FEEDBACK - stories, opinions and confessions from South African expats living overseas

• Reader Reviews and reactions to media coverage about The Expat Confessions
• Stories, opinions and confessions from SA expats (who aren't featured in the book, but may be in the next...)
• Comments from 'stayers' who have never left South Africa (warning: some opinons may offend)
• Useful Links - we've been inundated with requests for expat-type info so, at your service, here are some helpful links

STORIES, OPINIONS AND CONFESSIONS FROM EXPATS

The following are just some of the letters we have received since South Africans heard about The Expat Confessions. Many of these people have not read the book yet - but are simply reacting to expatdom. Some are personal, some are obnoxious. Some are heartwarming and some are offensive. We the authors do not share the views of all those expressed here, however we do respect an individual's right to freedom of speech. And we do believe there is a need for more dialogue. We hope our book, and this forum, will be a starting point.

Hi guys. I'm from Ellisras in SA (now known as Lephalale), I originally immigrated to Aus in 2002 I was sick of the blacks, the politics and the skin colour discrimination when it got to employment. It has been the best 4 years of my life here in Aus and I always said that I would never go back to SA to live. However I now bite my tongue as I am flying back on Saturday for real.  I have just become an Aussie citizen and will maintain Dual citizenship. But being here without my family and SA's social atmosphere, I just cant muster it alone! Hope to see your next book out soon!
R, Australia/South Africa

I think it`s fabulous that you and Ted have written this book on Ex-pats! My name is Cathleen C. My family (Husband and one daughter) and I moved to Vancouver in 2001/May. We arrived with just ourselves and a few suitcases...

We decided to think of our move as a huge adventure, and I must say that adopting a positive attitude from day one, helped us through ALL the ordeals that come with moving abroad. My beloved father was very badly injured in an attempt car-jacking in 2003/Nov, and unfortunately his health deterioted so much so, that he passed away 2005/Sep, a few hours before he was meant to take his flight over to us for a lengthy holiday. I think I have realized that home is where your loved ones reside...  As much as I have so many wonderful memories of my life in SA, my ties with the place have been now severed!

Your book will help so many ex-pats, as reading their stories confirms the rewards and great struggles that South African`s have had to endure when immigrating. Congratulations on your book, I look forward to reading it. Many regards,
Cathleen, Canada

Hi Guys, Having lived in New Zealand for 7 years and reading the horror stories about the weather and other stories some SA's have had to endure in other parts of the world, I now have a new appreciation and understand why New Zealand is termed "God's Zone". It may not always have the best weather, and as one of your contributors so rightly put it, "be naive like a first year university student, always trying to do the right thing and be politically correct", but is just truly beautiful. A sight for "the heart broken identity crises" that inflicted a lot of us particular in the 45+ age group, when we first arrived. An age that is not easy, as many of us have found. Often having left well paying senior jobs to give up a life and land we loved for a better way (we hope) for our children and their children.

My wife and I now regard our lovely home in Mellons Bay, Howick as "home". We have watched our two teenage boys grow up and complete their college years here, go to Auckland university and more recently celebrated my eldest son's 21st birthday with his Kiwi girlfriend and many friends. The freedom they have experienced (and may never fully appreciate) are a blessing that would never have been available to them had we stayed in Cape Town. They have experienced the joy of earning their first dollars from the local paper round, met friends from all cultures through school, been to Fiji and Australia on holiday. In short, they have lived and experienced a bit of life. Something, that they would have been sheltered from, I believe had we stayed. 

We have been welcomed here by most kiwi's. They can be a bit parochial from time to time and may suffer from xenophobia in some parts of the country. But if you can live with their PC sentiment in this young country -  a country that has created wonderful opportunities for the many South Africans; and if you are not too "verkrampt" in your own outlook, to live with the Polynesian and Asian society of NZ, then it truly is Gods Zone. Travel to South Island and experience the southern hospitality, the beauty of its lakes, mountains, forests and glaciers. If this does not astound and move you, then you have no soul and are already "dead", and should go back to South Africa. 

Quite honestly we have moved on. From time to time we think about (and chat with friends), of the good times back in SA and remember them with fondness. That was another time and place, but New Zealand is a First World country, and albeit small and at the bottom of beyond, it is still advanced in many areas and  particularly beautiful. Our home, we are happy! Kind regards
Peter B, New Zealand

I left South Africa many years ago because I married an American so I followed my heart although I will always miss my homeland - the foods and all that go with it.

I was recently on a cruise out of Texas and there was a middle-aged South African passenger on board who lived in Houston and when I heard the accent I asked her where in South Africa she was from and she said Durban which also happens to be my hometown.  I said that there are so many South Africans living in Texas and she remarked "I try not to mix with them".  I was so stunned that I didn't have a reply and it has bothered me ever since.

I cannot figure that out - just to hear the accent makes me feel I have found an old friend.
Alison, Dallas, TX

Hi. I can imagine that us guys are referred to as being CHICKEN RUN, however is that not what certain people also referred to the Rhodesians to be, who came and settled in SOUTH AFRICA. The WHEN WE'S as I heard many South Africans call them or should I say the naive ignorant South Africans . Call them or us who have left SA what you want. I fought like many SA guys fought for some 10 long years whilst still trying to maintain a normal life as a civilian and then we were left to sort out our own post war trauma. The rainbow nation is a joke - it has opened up the traffic for all North Africa to come and seek refuge under the wing of the ANC. I have left some good South Afrcan black friends, who wanted a true democratic society, only now to find that if they side too much with the true Democratic society they will find themselves being treated as the same as those in Zim. So to all those who live in a dream of a peaceful democratic SA, live on mates - THE AFRICAN COMMUNIST RENNAISANCE is alive and well in all its filth. Maar ek moet se ek mis die land verskriklik. Cheers
WPR

Hi, I am an ex pat living in Vancouver Canada. I have been gone 12 yrs on the 31st Jan, and only been back once on holiday. It has been a very interesting 12 yrs away from S.A. So much has happened in my life. I have had very different feelings about being here, but I can now say that the past year, I am actually at home in Canada. My life changed when I split up with my ex S.A. husband exactly 6 yrs ago after my return holiday from S.A. It was a very traumatic experience to go through with no family support here except my 3 girls, who were teenagers at the time.

I did at the time of my break up meet a wonderful Canadian guy, who changed my life forever, and helped me settle here. Six years later being together I can now say that yes, S.A. is my place of birth and my history, with all my family still living there, but
Canada is home. My girls are all grown up now and living here in Vancouver, which makes me very happy because they are happy. I have so many fond memories of S.A. and I am glad to have those memories and not the ones I would have now, especially with all the changes that are happening over there. I have everything I need here, even all the S.A. food that we all yearn for from time to time. Most of all I have a life with a man who loves my children dearly, and loves me unconditionally, and that is what is
important for me.
An ex pat living in Vancouver, Canada

WHY DID I LEAVE? If I had to confess, it was the truth commission. I was so disillusioned with what came out that I just wanted to run away. Then there was the feeling of wanting to make "space" for the upcoming blacks. The last and also an important reason was that I wanted to secure a future for my white male sons. I found the transition very hard. I ended up in the US and felt like an indentured servant to the company that sponsored me. They made me travel 60 - 80% of the time and I had no way out, because I was locked in until I received my green card. I made it, but in the process lost my family. My wife just gave up on me and kicked me out of the house after returning from one of my extended trips.  Was it worth it? I don't know. When I look at my children going to college and doing well, I feel that I have accomplished what I set out to do. The unfortunate part is that I had to pay the price for their future. Would I have done it again? Yes, when I talk to my children, I know I have done the right thing. They are not subject to quotas, they have an "equal" future. For myself? I may one day retire back in South Africa. Home is still Home.
Regards,  Dawid

You probably do not want to hear this, but I can honestly say that I moved to Australia and it is definitely the best thing I ever did in my life. Although we miss our family, there is absolutely nothing that we as a family miss about Africa.  I just look at the news on the web site and it is sickening to see the crime and corruption just escalating. When willthe other white South Africans leave - please do not leave too late, because Zim is on your doorstep.  Good luck to those that choose to stay - we will discuss this again in another 5 years time. I am just sorry I did not leave earlier!!! 
Cheers, Anon

Hi ya Jenni and Ted. Well, what can I say, BUT I dearly miss living in Arica!!!! I'm Welma C, 26 years old, currently living in Figueira da Foz_Portugal and left Windhoek_Namibia at the age of 14, haven't gone back since. My parents are portuguese and decided in1994 to move to Portugal because things weren't as good as it used to be. I didn't want to move but since I was underage I couldn't realy say anything. The worst thing about the move was having to make new friends and having to learn how to speak and write correctly portuguese (believe me it's realy difficult)!!!!! I also miss the weather and the warmth of the people, 'cause portuguese people (whom haven't lived elsewhere) are very cold and are only your friend if they can benefit from your friendship. THERE ARE NO TRUE FRIENDS LIKE NAMIBIANS AND SOUTH AFRICANS!!!!! I speak about my life in AFRICA if not everyday, every 2 days! I'm proud to be called an AFRICAN. I'm constantly comparing things, it gets to a point that my husband tells me to shut up and speak about other things. BOY, DO I MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT NAMIBIA. Well, that's it for now. Hope to hear from you soon.
Lotsalekkerluv, Welma C, Portugal

Moving to NZ was the best decision we ever made! We cherish every day that we can enjoy the freedom of letting our children play in the park next door, or ride their bikes to the shop to post letters to their Granny in SA. What a pleasure to sleep at night without the sound of dogs barking throughout the neighbourhood, and without the concern that someone is trying to climb the fence to steal the patio furniture. We should have made this move before we had children. After an ugly incident in our home in Pretoria with 3 burglars and no police available to attend for 4 hours, our children spent time at trauma counselling. Children of 5 and 7 years should never have their home invaded and be robbed of their sense of security and possessions. Our children are
enjoying a wonderful childhood in Christchurch, NZ - a gift we wish we had given them years ago. Not for a moment have we considered moving back to SA, and after my husband's recent visit to Durban to visit his ill mother, we realise that that SA is not home - not for us or our children. Our hope and our future are here in NZ.
Anon, New Zealand

Hi there. Most of the sentiments expressed in [the Sunday Times] article are a little corny. Yes, obviously you will not find boerewors, thunderstorms, chappies or guava rolls.  Lets take a step back. What reasons do people have for leaving their country of birth?  I think the overarching reasons are fear, despair and frustration. When moving, it is not so much a case of being drawn TO another country as it is of being pushed AWAY from your own. In other words, the new country is the lesser of two evils.  This is to me the most practical standpoint, and one that will provide a good dose of reality to those who cling to unrealistic sentiments. Once in a new country, people push the negative things about SA to the back of their minds. It is natural to suppress negative experiences.   Adapting to a new country may take ages, but it is not only about you, it is about the future of your children. They inherit opportunities they may not have had in SA. On average they are probably a lot safer, receive a better (and cheaper) education, and are not discriminated against for being white or coloured.  The SA you remember from 5 years ago, or even two years ago, is not the same SA to which you will return to today. Large corporations have absolutely no respect for minorities, and any form of respect towards whites has disappeared. Unemployment is at record heights, and even industries such as IT are not immune to BEE and AA policies.  Think with your head, not your heart.
Best wishes exile

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Hi

My name is Marian and i am writing from the town of Al Ain in the Abu Dhabi Emirate of the United Arab Emirates.  I left the beautiful city of Pretoria just about 3 years ago to come and work here in a hospital.

I left because conditions in hospitals have become very difficult.  I was in middle management and was becoming sick an dired of people with little or no education telling you how to run your area.  To give bu two examples you ask a nurse with 2 years of taining to go and help in another ward and she tells you "You are fucking me around", a cleaner who you have to ask a week just to come and mop your office, you have to be there when they do it otherwise they steal from your office.  You cannot to anything because then you will be in trouble with their unions.

The standard of care - that i will not even talk about. Nurses not coming on duty, sleeping on duty and i can go on and on. That is not the kind of quality i want to see in my  profession.

I came to Al Ain as a senior nurse, after one year i got promoted to a supervisor in the hospital and after another 18 months i became a nurse manager.  I am working very hard but i enjoy it.  The nurses respect you and the cleaning staff always do what you ask them with a smile.

The country?  I love it!!!!! I bought a nice car that i would not be able to afford in SA.  I live in a 3 bedroom villa and i go to Dubai on a regular basis coming back at night without the fear of being robbed,raped or murdered.  Yes there are many "rules" but they are not unreasonable, you know what is the country's believes about alcohol etc and you keep your side clean and you will not have any problems.  I go to church every friday - yes we have church on friday - and i feel more at home in this congregation that what i ever felt at home.

I try to travel abroad on a regular base something that i like but would never be able to afford in SA.  I have south african friends but also friends from the Phillipines, Canada, Australia and even Nepal.

I do miss my family and friends in Sa but see them on regular basis and my family have visited me and they enjoyed it very much.  What else do i miss?  Cannot think about something.  When i visit Sa it is nice but after 3 weeks i want to get home.  For me home is in the UAE for as long as i am able to stay here.
Thats it!!!!!! Marian

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Hi there - My name is Lee. I`m an expat currently living in New Zealand.  We have been living in NZ for 7 years now and allthough I can't say that I don't like living here, I miss SA a lot.  The usual family and friends thing as you must have heard and oh please the weather, I mean I do live in the Land of the Long White Cloud, something they forget to tell you when you are sussing out living conditions in NZ.  I reckon if they tell you that the country is going to be covered in a long white cloud for 80% of the year, well no one will wanna move here.  I know I`m ever so slightly exagerating but hey dont we all.

The thing that I find most interesting in NZ is the way people of different cultures relate to each other.  I have discovered that SA was`nt exclisively on the race discrimination list.  I`m a white SA girl with really dark skin, so I have experienced racism on every level possible, whether in Europe or SA or Australia and on many different levels in NZ.  The interesting thing is that people dont recognize it for what it is.  I have recently been introdced to a group of Coloured SA ladies and was surprised at the racism within the Coloured community toward each other,eg.  between the lighter skinned and darker skinned coloureds, needless to say when my true racial status was discovered, it was tickets for me and I was austresised from the group, racism at its best. Though not recognised as such because its coloured to white.  Makes you think....

I was offcource very hurt by the whole thing and realised that people move to make a better life or future for themselves and their children, but they come here with so much emotional baggage that they just keep on dragging their past right into their future.  It also made me realise that in SA every one was so focused on the white/black situation that all the other
colours of our  rainbow nation have been left out of the equation.

I have been back to SA nearly every year since I have lived in NZ and I must say that things have changed, but not enough for me to move back there.  I`ll rather have a long white cloud than a colourless rainbow.

The friends I do have, ranging between a variety of races and colours are people who have moved from their home lands and truly made a new life for themselves.  They are all wonderfull and brave people who have overcome so many obstacles in life and still came out tops.  Things that make me feel that I left my country for such a pity excuse and that i sould be glad that
I grew up in a country without war and hunger,  People like this make me appreciate life more and give me the inspiration to move on to a better fuller life.

I belive that if your put in a certain environment long enough it become the norm to you, so you dont look outside the square you live in.  That is what life in SA has become to me.  Allthough I miss SA I`m glad that I could break out of the mould and move on.

Well thats all for now, it will be interesing to hear from you, I`m sure the stories you read are pretty interesting
Sincerely Lee

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I have been in Australia for six years now. Dad came over because he was offered a job. I am not sorry we are here, but I do love South Africa, and will be returning soon. I have South african counterparts who can't believe I am even thinking about going home, because to them it's such a bad place. The worst thing about that way of thinking, is that they haven't been back
there for at least 15 years. I wrote to a friend of mine in SA, telling him I wanted to come home, and he said to me what I've been feeling for a while now. South Africa is progressing. We have our problems, but so do place like Australia. What baffles me is that South African refuse to see it. I have nothing against South Africans living abroad- I believe it's a great experience, but do not bash the country people... do not turn your back! I have had my car broken into 7 times... elderly are being beaten up in their own homes. A lady's body was found the other day - 6 gun shot wounds. She lived down the road from me. A friend of mine works at the local shops and used to serve her on a weekly basis. All this in Australia, and it's a safe place? Yes I am more on edge in SA than I am here, but I love it there and I have hope, and some may say is a silly dream - but hey, that's me!

I was in SA 3 months ago, my best friend's wedding. I drove down the streets, talking to whoever was at the "robots" selling "things". I was there for 2 weeks, and every time I drove past the trafic lights past cresta the same guy would whistle to get my attention and scream "hello madam have a nice day see you later" it really made my day.

I love the people of South Africa... I love our sport - good or bad. I'm am more determined now - I'm coming home :)
Anon

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I'M   A "SAFFER" LIVING ON THE GOLD COAST, AUSTRALIA,  WITH MY AUSSIE HUSBAND AND LITTLE GIRL.  I WENT INTO THE SOUTH AFRICAN SHOP WHICH WE HAVE IN OUR NEIGHBOURHOOD AND HAD A GOOD LAUGH!  LETS BEAR IN MIND THAT AUSTRALIA IS A COUNTRY WHERE NOT MANY PEOPLE BREAK THE RULES!!!!! I ASKED THE SHOP KEEPER WHETHER HE HAD ANY CANE (BLUE TOP) IN STOCK.........AND HE SAID "HOLD ON I THINK I HAVE SOME OUT THE BACK, BUT I DON'T HAVE A LICENSE TO SELL ALCOHOL ......I WILL SELL YOU A BOTTLE BUT PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE".  TOO FUNNY....THE ONLY PERSON BREAKING THE RULES WOULD HAVE TO BE A SAFFER .............IN AUSTRALIA OF ALL PLACES!!  YOU CAN TAKE THE MAN OUT OF AFRICA BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE AFRICA OUT OF THE MAN!!
CARA D, Gold Coast, Australia

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[The whites who left South Africa are a] group of people who are nothing but a bunch of whingers, looking for the vervoed, botha and apartheid silverspoon that they were so accustomed to. Yes, most of you left because of the blacks. They were the people you created. When the shoe was on your foot it was ok, Die Vader Land. Now the shoe has been taken away from you and given you the boot. You wimp, you ran away. You tell your hardship stories to anyone who will listen hoping for sympathy and a bit of favouritsm, because that's what you were brought up with.

...your selfish eyes have not been opened to your part in the apartheid and the atrocities that the non white people had to endure. You are still whinging and trying to get  your way through,  now sad stories hoping for someone to accept you if not for you white skin, then for you sad stories of hardship.

Shame on you.

Australia is beautiful, and it gives my family and I the opportunity to rise from the ashes of your apartheid. Yes, we may go back home one day. But i guess it will take the same amount of time to get rid of the social evils that were  inauguarated by your forefathers and which you thrived on.  40 YEARS! THATS RIGHT! GIVE THEM 40 YEARS. 40 years to unravel the past . They are using all the skills you taught them.  Nothing,  but to kill, rob, destroy and rape. Thats what your forefathers taught them. 

Australia, beautiful land.
Anon